There’s been a lot of buzz around the term ‘free-range parenting’ lately. Last week, A Maryland couple came under investigation for negligence after letting their kids walk home alone from a neighbourhood park.
I’ve always been one to shun parenting labels simply because, as most parents, my parenting style cannot be easily labeled with a few words. I breastfed all my babies but was happy to supplement with formula. I co-slept with them during their early months but sleep-trained them as they became toddlers.
So what is ‘free-range parenting’ and why do I feel compelled to discuss it?
Over the past several decades, children have become increasingly protected from risk by their well-meaning parents. I think the media is partly to blame. Media is more omnipresent than ever and news agencies seem to make their headlines increasingly sensational in order to get our attention. You would never guess that crime stats in Canada and the US are actually significantly lower than 30 years ago!
Perhaps this is part of the reason many parents schedule most, if not all, of their children’s activities. Kids are often driven door to door to all of their appointments and playdates, and when there is free time, electronics are often used to keep kids ‘safe’ and off the streets.
Providing a risk-free environment is not healthy for children in the long term. We want our kids to be able to recognize dangerous risk when we are not around someday. So we need to allow them to learn how to assess and experiment with risk when we are around. You want your little one to think to herself: Hmmm….the last time I jumped off that step I hurt my foot, so probably if I jump off that (higher) step, I will get even more hurt.
When children are able to experience safe and healthy risks, they learn about responsible decision making and become aware that their actions have consequences. Without this kind of practise, children won’t learn how to think through possible outcomes and make decisions accordingly.
Very young children may engage in safe but somewhat risky behaviours by climbing and jumping. Older children may want to walk home from school on their own or stay home by themselves for short periods of time. There are guidelines available for reference (and certainly laws are necessary to prevent obvious negligence) but ultimately you know your child best and should decide if they are ready for the next level of independence.
As children head into the teenage years, there is no shortage of opportunities to take risks. If they’ve had little experience with safe risk-taking, they won’t know how to assess the risks and make responsible decisions. They might act without thinking about the consequences – a very dangerous habit in the teenage years.
Finally, I believe it’s important to not penalize kids for safe risk-taking. Kids want to experiment with independence – it contributes to their self-confidence. And allowing them to make reasonable decisions on their own (go ahead…try it…see what happens…you decide) communicates to them that you have faith in their abilities to accomplish tasks independently. And if things don’t go as planned, it’s not the end of the world and you are there to help deal with the consequences if necessary.
As a parent, you know there are hard lessons that your kids need to learn on their own. Allowing your kids to take risks is so much easier said than done but, in my opinion, is of vital importance to their general well-being and healthy development.
As always, I’d love to hear what you think. What kind of risks, if any, do you allow your kids to experience?
