Since they were very young, my two sons have enjoyed roughhousing with each other. These days, especially after school (when I know they’ve used up a lot of energy trying to sit still and follow instructions) and especially these past couple of months when the cold weather has prevented them from going outside for recess.
(I should note here that my daughter also occasionally enjoys a bout of roughhousing with her brothers, but does not seem to enjoy (need?) it as much as they do, despite a lot of encouragement from her father.)
My first inclination is to tell them to settle down. The noise is intolerable and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before one or both end up in the ER. Recent research, however, suggests roughhousing actually provides several benefits for our kids.
Roughhousing Boosts Your Kid’s Resilience:
Encouraging your child to develop resilience is one of the best things you can do as a parent. The ability to bounce back from failure and adapt to unpredictable situations will help your kids to persist at challenging tasks and cultivate a sense of self-esteem from within.
Roughhousing requires your child to adapt quickly to unpredictable situations. One minute they might be sitting on their younger sibling and the next, they could be on the receiving end of a pillow to the head. It is not a stretch to suggest that learning how to cope with sudden changes while roughhousing trains your kids to cope with unexpected changes in routine and bumps in the road when they’re out in the real world.
Roughhousing, and playtime in general, is a fun and safe time for your kids to learn that failure and even discomfort (let’s hope minor) is often just a temporary state and that victory goes to the person who keeps at it and learns from his mistakes.
Roughhousing Builds Social Intelligence:
I’m the first to admit that I am hesitant to allow roughhousing because I’m afraid my boys will turn into hellions who think violence is fun and will someday become juvenile delinquents hell-bent on mass destruction.
The surprising thing however is research actually shows the opposite may be true: children who engage in frequent roughhousing are almost always more socially and emotionally competent than kids who don’t. When kids roughhouse, they learn to tell the difference between play and real aggression. And kids who know the difference between play and real aggression tend to be better adjusted compared to kids who have a hard time separating the two.
Furthermore, the ability to differentiate between play and actual aggression translates into other important social skills that require people to read and interpret social cues.
Roughhousing Gets Your Kid Physically Active:
All that running, falling, and tackling helps develop strength, flexibility, and coordination in your child. I have to admit, I like seeing my boys come up from the basement (because that’s where I banish them when they are too crazy) flushed, out of breath, and with huge smiles on their faces. Of course there are occasional tears but they are usually accompanied by a remorseful child who admits he was a little too rough with his sibling. Not bad…not bad at all, right?
Can you think of any other ways roughhousing might be beneficial to your kids? Do you allow it in the house?
